Year Wrap Up

Dear Ones,                                                                                                                                           Dec. 2018

It’s been a very crazy busy year with a lot of changes!

I am still on the executive board over at PSP – doing fundraising. I’ve put on 4 different fundraiser shows and one was a musical review that I helped create! It was a lot of fun and has helped make some good cash for the theater. Our goal is to use the money to buy hearing devices so those hard of hearing can hear our shows better.

Early this year - my job of almost 4 years, office location was going to be torn down. They looked for a new location and found a place in Richmond, to which I informed them I would not be staying on. So it was a sad farewell to Swinerton Builders. I then started a new job right away with F. W. Spencer, which is another construction company. Also sadly –  I felt strongly I needed to move on.

In August I changed jobs again to where I am currently. Sett Construction. You guessed it – another construction company! Where I am now an office manager. It’s owned by a tech company so there is a great deal of that Silicon Valley vibe going on (a key phrase is Disrupt!). Things change daily around here, but the commute is good, and I like many of my co-workers.

Earlier this year my oldest nephew got married and I went down for a lovely backyard wedding at my brother’s house. Full of family and fun – they even performed “Who’s on First” (abbot and Costello style) a real Collett tradition. My second nephew also made me a grand aunt for the 2^nd time. Now I have 2 grand nieces! Our family is growing.

We also had a big family reunion celebrating Colletts, upon the 10-year anniversary of my mom’s passing. We ate traditional Collett family foods, played games and shared fond memories. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate being a part of our family. We should do it more often.

This year I turned 40 (if you can believe it) and I had several celebrations. My best friend from Portland came in and we celebrated with a big night in the city. Seeing a show, dressing up, and got a generous hook up by staying the famous Sir Francis Drake hotel in downtown San Francisco! Another night I threw a party at the theater where we played games and watched Up on the big screen and had all my theater friends there (about 20 people!). And on my actual birthday we did a quick in and out visit to Disneyland! Where 3 of my good friends came and we all shared a room at the Disneyland hotel where I got to stay for the first time ever. It was pretty amazing.

To top off the end of my year – I got a nominated for Best Leading Actress in a Play (Local)- FATHER OF THE BRIDE - Pacifica Spindrift Players! I was so excited! It truly is an honor to just be nominated. And if you are interested in voting – anyone can! You just go to their website and go through the categories and can vote for me. https://www.broadwayworld.com/san-francisco/vote2018region.cfm all you need is a valid e-mail address and a name.

So as you can see, it’s been an active year! Thanks for letting me share it with you.

As always – thank you for being a part of my life, and may your Christmas be full of love, joy, and peace. And may your New Year be blessed with new friends, new adventures, and new ways to find happiness.

 Much love and holiday cheer

Waiting for it

Death doesn't discriminate

Between the sinners and the saints,

it takes and it takes and it takes

and we keep living anyway.

We rise and we fall

and we break

and we make our mistakes.

And if there's a reason I'm still alive

when everyone who loves me has died

I'm willing to wait for it.

Wait for it.

I am the one thing in life I can control

I'm not standing still,

I am lying in wait

I’ve been listening to Hamilton a lot lately. And certain songs have been playing through my mind on certain days and today this song was in my heart. Well – this part of it anyway. Because I relate to it. It’s much more where my heart is and who I am. I wait. I don’t usually act rashly. And I wait. And wait. And I survive past those who loved me, and I’m trying to wait.

I have always been a slow bloomer. Everything happens for me on a slower time table. It’s just what it has been. But it fits my personality at the same time. I tend to try to be deliberate. I’m wailing to wait for things. But sometimes I must say – I probably wait too long.

I feel like I’m waiting for several things right now. One of them being a really big thing. Well… ok 2 are big but one is a pretty possible big life change. And I wanna prep for it, but I can’t do any more prep right now. I have to just wait. And the waiting is so difficult. I could prep – but honestly – I just want to know more before I do. So I can focus in on my prep better. I feel like I’ve been waiting so long. (months honestly). And it’s all I can do…. Wait….

I’m trying to survive in a world where so much is not what I expected, where so much is not easy to learn, where I make so many mistakes. I feel failure so often. It can be overwhelming. I didn’t prepare for all of this – and so some days I feel like I’m going by the moment just figuring it out. And sometimes I wonder if I have anything figured out – if I’m actually succeeding at anything.

So while I am waiting – I’m not. I’m trying. I’m trying to do what I can. I’m trying to become a better version of myself. I’m trying to be patient. And I worry about having hope. I worry about waiting in vain. Will it come to fruition? I don’t know. I really don’t know. So I keep going, and going. And I just try the best I can.

That’s where I am today. Doing what I can. Waiting. Missing those that loved me and died.

Birthdays Gone

July 27, 2018 

I had a dream last night.

I dreamt I was back in my childhood home. My home. My House. There was a party. I think it’s for me. My parents are there. Then I think - the party must be for them - coming back. They’ve been gone. Who knows why – but they’ve been gone a while. They are laughing and talking to people, and there is almost a small crowd around them. I walk up to talk to them.

I invite them to the family party that is going on the next night (tonight July 27^th, 2018), at my cousins home. A party in honor of me – and a significant birthday. A birthday that 10 years ago I knew you would miss. 11 years ago – I didn’t. A party that by all normal means you would be at. Actually – you would be hosting it in your own home. In our home. If things were normal. But they are not normal.

You say yes cheerfully. Yet almost distracted. I also bashfully ask if you want to come to my home afterward as well. Or sometime soon anyway. My current apartment I share with M. Because I want to share this with you…. Excuse me… with them…

They smile.

I wake.

I feel pain thinking and feeling this. I want to reach out and hug them. I want to hear them laugh. I want them to...... just be there. I want them to be a part of these important events. I want them to be there with my family. Our family. Laughing. Playing games. Being that part of my life - that I actually desperately miss.

The grief slowly washes through me and I’m helpless.

I can’t help but wonder if they will be there tonight.

Changes

So a lot has been going on as of recent. But the biggest thing of note is the fact that I have changed jobs. I’m on week three. And I have mixed feelings.

It’s not a bad place, the people generally seem since, and the drive is good. Not too far. I got a significant raise from where I was (which is great.). I’m not fully established into a routine yet, but im working on it.

I know. Small post – but it’s what I have time for at the moment…