12/31/2015
Naturally, I am reflective
this morning. A new year will begin in less than 24 hours.
I’m feeling all sorts of
things. Anxiety, excitement, sadness, happiness.
I want a lot of things for
next year, but right now I think my biggest focus is health. I want to be
healthier.
This isn’t to say I
haven’t made great strides in the last year, I have. I have come a long way to
eating better and working out more. And I really want to continue that. In
fact, I want to do even better. I want to try to minimize my sugar consumption
even more. I want to try and work out on a semi regular basis. And I really
want to get 2” off my waist. Partially for narcissist reasons – but really,
because I want to hit the bare minimum for keeping me out of the danger zone
for diseases. I don’t want to do what my parents did. And I need to take better
care of myself if that’s what I want to do.
I’ve been more emotional
as of recent, which is extremely annoying since I can’t fully explain why. It
could be the holidays, it could be PMS (which I am never a fan of using as an
excuse), it could be me consuming more sugar that I have been used to and it
throwing my system out of wack. Or it could just be all of that combined.
I just know I’m worried
about some things. I’m worried about my health, I’m worried about M’s health,
I’m worried about the entire months of March and April and finding a place to
live - while I star in a show. In fact, I’m totally freaked out about it. And
the part I am THE MOST scared about? Finding the right place. When will I have
time to look? Will I be able to find a place M and I can afford and be happy
in?
Naturally I had another
dream last night about the old house. Walking around the neighborhood and
trying to look / sneak in. it’s interesting how I always seem to know in my
dreams someone else lives there. But I’m always trying to go back in
regardless. Man I miss that house. And I’m angry we don’t have it anymore.
I don’t want to move. I
like our house. But I know we won’t have a choice short of a miracle. And I know
I have a lot of stuff. Stuff I still am trying to get rid of and sort through.
Stuff that will need storing. And I know M is not happy about that. But sadly
he is stuck with me, and that’s part of my baggage. I’ve gotten better, but
there is still progress to be made.
I’m scared of the future.
But I always am. So I gotta focus on preparing. Doing what I can to get ready
and just really really hope for the best.
I want to enjoy this
weekend. I intentionally took off Monday so I could focus on relaxing and
playing all weekend long. I need it and deserve it. I’ve gotten better this
year. I’ve been in 2 shows, I’ve worked steadily (and even got a raise!), I’ve
passed my notary exam, I’ve started walk
running and been even better about what I eat. I deserve a reward.
So I need to stop focusing
on what will be happening in 3 months. I can’t do much about it anyway, and I
know I will spend extra moments in January working on getting rid of stuff and
getting ready. As well as working on lines for the play. In fact, I feel like
that is what the focus of the first half of the year will be.
Ok so – Good job! Party
and celebrate the close of 2015! Stop thinking about doom and gloom. Be
positive, your life is pretty awesome right now. No future thinking this
weekend! Only NOW! YEAH! And go play with your new toys!!!! J
