Admin feelings

It’s not that I don’t want to do more for the office. I do. But really the motivation has to do with money and not with being an admin or my “love” of being an admin. 

Being an admin can be a suck job. You are the person who makes a lot of things flow and happen, but nobody really realizes it. You work in the shadows of making things come to fruition. 

But my concerns are these. I will take on this new stuff, go forward etc – and then I won’t get properly compensated for it. I will get a raise of like 2 grand or something (if that) and that will be the end of it. And I just can’t live on that. I just can’t. I’m just worried about how my pay is basically a joke (which is what john said. ) 

I don’t want to grow harder skin. 

I know I need to be better about tasks that are being given to me. I need to be more helpful (although most of the time I have no clue what people are talking about. Like “huh?” I don’t deal with money, so yeah, I cannot answer your question.)

I will not eat sugar. I will not eat sugar. 

I want a vacation. Not to anywhere really, just one with no responsibilities. Just for a bit. I need to escape my constant stream of anxiety. 

My room needs to be organized and cleaned and I need to get rid of stuff. Like… a LOT of stuff. STILL. And it kills me. I’m so frustrated about it all. 

I want a vacation AFTER I clean my room out properly. I want time to be able to ACTUALY do that which I don’t feel like I have as well, which is difficult. Every weekend I’m either super busy or super exhausted. It’s too much for me to handle. 

AND I feel like I need to be taking better care of M. I need to be feeding him better and doing good meal planning. 

Simply put I’m overwhelmed by all the things I feel like I should be doing, all the potential I SHOULD be living up to and not so far and it’s stressing me out and keeping me from going forward because I feel like I can’t tackle all these things. I’m burnt out. And I’m having a difficult time figuring out how to fix that right now.