Well it’s been an
interesting year. Despite the fact that a lot of celebrities have died this
year, it’s been a back and forth year for me of stupid and awesome. Mostly in
the – You have to move / find a new place to live. You get to star in a show!
LETS DO IT AT THE SAME TIME!!
Consequently some of the
goals I had for the year got blasted away. I wanted to work out every week, but
honestly dealing with the move and trying to unpack and all the stress with
that (which was a LOT of stress) and then being in a new neighborhood and
figuring out how to work out that way – has caused the work out once a week
goal to just fail.
I did however get bullshot
done which is great, and I’m excited to get barefoot done too. A little worried
what the footage may be like, but hey.
The weight thing is my
biggest disappointment right now. I feel & look huge. It’s awful. And I
know it’s bad for me to yo-yo on weight so much. But the stress of this year
and trying to cope with it has been intense. Consequently living as clean as I
can fell by the wayside in a super huge way this holiday season and so I’m still
trying to recover and stop that. Although I’m waiting till I get back from my
trip to Disneyland to really shape up.
M and I now live alone
together which most of the time is great, but does bring other stresses with
it. One of them being – I basically do all the dishes most of the time. As well
as – he hates my decorations but tolerates them, he wishes he was dating
someone (which is kind of complicated living with me and having me in love with
him…. Ugh), and have I mentioned HOW MUCH he does not care for my Christmas
decorations?? There are great benefits though. Like – cuddles, hugs, support both
finically and emotionally, companionship and someone who wants to share their
day with me and vice versa. Someone I actually enjoy spending a lot of time with
being available a lot.
I’ve missed my parents a
lot this season. Don’t get me wrong, I normally do honestly, but it felt
stronger this year. Partially I think because it’s been hard on M to have so
many decorations in the living room, and that makes me sad and miss my family,
and miss my dad who wore a Santa hat to work most of December. I don’t know if
it’s because 10 years ago was my last Christmas with both of them.
I hate New years. Well,
hate is a strong word, I don’t hate it, it’s just harder for me than a lot of
holidays. It makes me wish I had someone at midnight to kiss, to maybe go to a
party to and dress up for. It’s the stupid midnight kiss thing though that
really bugs me. Such a bummer. And M most definitely does not want to kiss me
at midnight. So I don’t know. I want to stay home, eat pizza, watch a movie and
possibly play video games and check in on the ball now and then. I don’t think
I want to be social. I would consider it if the gang a PSP was doing
something…. But yeah.
It’s been nice though
making better friends with some PSP people this year. That actually has been a
cool bonus of the year. And hey I got to kiss 2 different boys. 1 for a play, 1
not! Even if the 1 not is gay…. It’s something. Sort of. It’s nice to have
someone want to kiss you, even if they are gay and drunk.
I have better hopes for me
personally in 2017. I hope to learn more about myself, get back on track with
my weight and eating health, I hope to figure out more ways to cope with the
dating issues that come up for M, I hope that maybe I will be in a show, I hope
that I will get a reunion party for Barefoot. And honestly I hope to continue
to become a better version of me. I know it’s dangerous to have hope, in fact
having any hope scares me sometimes, but…. Well… we’ll see.
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